


help me breathe again (a wish to start anew)

by flintwoodandco



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Second Chances, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-02 23:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11519886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flintwoodandco/pseuds/flintwoodandco
Summary: With an arranged marriage to Draco Malfoy, Neville wonders how else his life can get turned upside down





	help me breathe again (a wish to start anew)

**Author's Note:**

> For [septimvsmalfoy](http://septimvsmalfoy.tumblr.com), the second winner of my fic giveaway!! The prompt was an arranged marriage AU eee

“No!” Neville’s voice is sharp and loud, almost echoing through the field that surrounded him.

Having been invited for tea at his grandmother’s, Neville reluctantly left his teaching post for the weekend, wondering what proposition she was going to throw at him now.

He had expected some pushes towards social elite events in relation to his 25th birthday having just passed, but nothing prepared him for what he just heard. 

“I refuse,” Neville had already shot up from the table, ready to apparate away in that moment.

“You can’t,” Augusta states, as if she had expected this reaction. “The Malfoys have agreed and it was not an easy task to make them do so.”

Neville grits his teeth, his patience being tested by the second. “Then why did you arrange this in the first place? Without asking me?”

Augusta waves away Neville’s questions, a stern look on her face. “Pureblood traditions must be carried out in a particular manner. I discussed this at length with Narcissa and she agreed to the necessary steps. We must keep our family in good standing, Neville”

“What does that mean?” Neville shakes his head. “Tell them I won’t do it. I don’t give a damn about anything else, I will not marry Draco Malfoy.”

Unperturbed by Neville’s outburst, Augusta replies in even tones telling him he must until Neville cannot take it any longer and he apparates away to a friend who he is sure could help.

*

“I’ll do everything I can,” Hermione nods, ferocity growing in her eyes. “There must be a way out of this.”

At this point, all Neville can do is hope Hermione is right, the gnawing in his stomach growing by the hour.

*

By the time Hermione dives headfirst into her research, everyone else in their circle has caught wind of Neville’s predicament. 

“What? It’s not like he’ll die if he refuses to marry him, right?” Harry questions.

“Well, no,” Ron starts and Neville dreads what he has to hear. 

He knows just as well as anyone what will happen since he was already pledged by his grandmother, but hearing it out loud, Neville is sure he’ll want to disappear on the spot.

“It’s just, life is somewhat ruined for Neville then. He’d be outcast, hardly allowed in public. It’s a scandal tenfold, Harry.”

Harry doesn’t look convinced, but Neville manages to give him a weak smile. “He’s sugarcoating it, but I suppose anything would be better than marrying Malfoy.”

“It’s so stupid,” Ginny mumbles from her corner in the room, arms crossed tight. “The fact that she did that without your permission. Is she really that daft?”

Neville raises his eyebrow, ready to say more, but Hermione interrupts the tense conversation.

“I found a case! Something that fits your situation exactly.” Her eyes scan the papers in front of her.

Hurrying over, Neville looks down at what Hermione has, his hope rising just a little.

“It’s a very old one, but it would give us foundation. Something to fall back on when we go to the Ministry. I’ll need to do much more, but I think we have something.” Hermione’s smile is the best thing Neville’s seen all day and he wants to hug her with all of his might. 

If Hermione can really get him out of this, find some way for him to live his own life, then he’ll do whatever it takes to get there. Even if it means appeasing the two families for the time being.

~

The looming gates of Malfoy Manor leave a sinking feeling in Neville’s stomach, as if all that lies ahead is gloom and despair. Straightening himself up, Neville waits for the gates to open before he marches up to the front doors, the only sounds being his footsteps on the gravel pathway. 

He finds that he doesn’t have to knock on the doors, his eyes searching as they open into a cold, dark hall. The ceilings are high above, entryways everywhere he looks, and he follows the one that has the lone source of light.

Clearing his throat as he approaches, Neville watches as a thin woman with long blonde hair rises from her seat in front of a fireplace. She seems more focused on the flames than Neville’s sudden appearance and she takes her time to turn to him.

“Neville,” Narcissa greets, a stiff smile on her face.

Despite that, her eyes are inviting, her pose relaxed, and Neville works through his confusion. He knows much of this arrangement is his grandmother’s doing, but the fact that Narcissa agreed to it in the end leaves an unpleasant nagging at the back of Neville’s mind.

“Draco will be down soon. I’ll leave you two to get acquainted, but you must tell me a little about yourself first. I’ve heard many a great deal, but I still do not know you.” Narcissa’s smile softens a bit, despite how she keeps her distance, and Neville shrugs, glancing at the walls lined with bookshelves. 

“I’m an assistant professor at Hogwarts. Teaching Herbology. Otherwise, I suppose I like to spend time out walking when I’m not working.” Neville isn’t sure what to share, but Narcissa nods along, her eyes remaining on him.

Neville finds strange comfort in the way she listens, so unlike his grandmother. She doesn’t interrupt with her own thoughts, only adding bits after she’s sure Neville is done speaking. It’s as if she cares, even if Neville is sure she doesn’t. 

“Do you like your grandmother?”

The question is sudden and Neville’s hands sweat. He’s never enjoyed saying much about his grandmother, the mere thought of having to lie about anything a bit detestable for Neville. 

When Draco enters the room, Neville isn’t sure if he should be thankful or not, turning away when Narcissa goes to embrace Draco.

Neville doesn’t dare let his gaze go to Draco, keeping him in the peripheral of his vision. The crackling fire fills the empty space, but Neville knows one of them will have to say something eventually. 

“So,” Neville breaks the silence. “Never expected this did you?”

He cringes at his attempt to make the conversation light, waiting for Draco’s scoff. Instead, he receives a weary sigh and Neville turns his head just a little. 

“I’m sorry,” Draco’s voice is soft.

Neville stares, the sound of an apology leaving Draco’s lips sounding almost forbidden. Not once has Draco apologised for his behavior at Hogwarts, but now he sounds fragile, unfamiliar. Faltering for a moment, Neville thinks over what to do before his bitterness takes complete control. 

“I’m not in the mood for apologies. Even if you’re not to blame for this.”

Draco’s gaze meets his own and Neville lets out a long sigh. 

“We just — I guess we have to deal with what’s happening. We haven’t been given options. If you really think there’s a way out of this, I’d love to hear it.”

Neville tries not to watch the changes in Draco’s face, the way the emotions show freely rather than staying hidden like Neville would’ve thought.

“I don’t know,” Draco starts, his voice small, “ If I could’ve gotten you out, I would have done so.”

Neville can’t stop his confused stare, wondering where the Draco Malfoy from school went. He’s waiting for harsh insults, not a timid shell of the boy he once knew. This pensive Draco is foreign and no matter how Neville tries to explain it to himself, none of the answers makes sense. 

Draco has taken to staring out the window, leaving Neville at a loss for words. 

“Well, I’m going to go now,” Neville says, no longer in the mood to play houseguest.

Receiving only a nod in return, Neville takes his time turning before he leaves the room. So much of this is strange, his thoughts are being twisted this way and that. Neville hopes this isn’t some cruel joke and he looks back at the manor once he reaches the main pathway. 

Frowning, Neville doesn’t appreciate the tension taking hold of him and he rushes from the scene wondering what the hell is happening to him, let alone Draco. 

~

Neville hopes he only has to visit the manor once, but he finds himself there on almost a monthly basis. Lucius is absent at best and Neville spends most of his time in Narcissa’s garden room.

If anything, Neville is grateful for Narcissa’s patience and her kind manners. He’s honestly surprised she raised a son like Draco, but Neville’s not about to question her. 

“Your grandmother is quite the ruthless matchmaker,” Narcissa comments as she takes a sip from her cup. 

The two are waiting on Draco to return from his outings, but an hour has passed and Neville doesn’t blame Draco for taking his time.

“Yeah, she’s always been…” Neville trails off, not wanting to outright bash his grandmother. 

She raised him but Neville doesn’t feel how he thinks he should for her. He yearns for the world where he was raised properly by his parents and swallows down the lump in his throat, avoiding Narcissa’s eyes.

“With the stain on our family name, I just wanted a new start for Draco. A way for him to make his way in the world without the whispers and sneers behind his back.”

Neville blinks at Narcissa’s sudden honesty, but he stays quiet as his curiosity gets the better of him.

“When your grandmother approached me, I jumped at the chance. I swore that no matter what convincing I had to do with Lucius or my son, it would be for the best,” Narcissa sighs, rubbing her temple with two fingers. 

“Of course I wanted Draco to marry someone he truly loved, really cared for. I was foolish, but things have already been set in motion and I hope you’ll be able to forgive me someday.”

The cup in his hands feels fragile and Neville sets in on the table so he doesn’t accidentally break it. Hearing Narcissa’s side of the story twists his stomach, a heavy weight settling itself in Neville’s mind. He tries to find the strength to say something, but at that moment, Draco enters the room and the moment is shattered.

“Mother,” Draco greets and stiffly turns to Neville. “Longbottom.”

Neville’s stomach turns at the familiarity of Draco’s tone, the sound of his name like a punch to the face rather than a greeting. 

“Neville, please.”

Draco doesn’t say anything as he stands in the doorway, shifting as if he might jump into the ferns at any given moment. It doesn’t help that Narcissa sweeps out of the room then, giving Neville a soft smile and Draco a small hug as she goes. 

The moment is tense, Neville wondering if leaving the room as well would be rude. He stills as Draco sits down at the table, clearing his throat as he does so.

“I’m sorry if my mother ever gets personal. Never could hide secrets from her.”

Neville is relieved that the subject isn’t about the two of them and he shakes his head. “No, she’s actually a breath of fresh air in all of this. I can’t imagine how things will be when I meet your father.”

To his surprise, Draco laughs at this, leaning back in his chair. “God, won’t that be something.”

This doesn’t comfort Neville and he hunches his shoulders, hoping he can find some excuse to leave the room.

“I shouldn’t laugh,” Draco’s voice interrupts his thoughts. “I know what you probably think of my father and what he thinks of you. I’ll take care of him.”

Neville isn’t comforted by this, but he doesn’t make a point to say so. He’s a little shocked by Draco’s defensiveness, his willingness to help him out, even if the future is still grim for the two of them.

It seems that what happened at Hogwarts is long gone, but Neville isn’t ready to let the wounds heal over just yet. He knows what Draco is capable of and that controls so many of Neville’s thoughts. 

Needing some air, Neville stands up with a singular nod towards Draco. “I guess I’ll see you next month then,” Neville says, marching from the room.

A small, “See you,” makes Neville pause for a moment, but he doesn’t turn back around, his resolution leading him out of the manor.

~

When a sealed envelope with extravagant writing arrives for Neville, his heart sinks. Normally, he’s excited by mail, but he knows who this is from. With hesitation, Neville opens the letter, skimming over the words. 

Narcissa has planned a dinner party for Neville to meet family and friends of the Malfoys. Neville feels sick to his stomach, but even if he were to hide the letter, he knows his grandmother would have him going before he could even get the word ‘no’ out. 

The owl pecks at his hand, waiting for a responding letter and Neville is slow to write out his acceptance. He manages to satiate the owl by giving it some food, but it doesn’t last long and Neville all but pushes the bird out the window. 

Watching it fly away, Neville wishes he had his own wings as well before he goes to his closet in search of formal robes. A sick feeling worms its way into Neville’s stomach and he can only hope the evening will be a quick one. 

~

When the day finally arrives, Neville lingers by the lampposts, not wanting to enter the manor just yet. It would be only him amongst strangers after all and he finds himself wishing that even his grandmother would be there just so he’d have some familiar face.

With a few steady breaths, Neville holds himself tall before entering the manor and into the chatter that fills the ballroom. 

A few turn to him when he walks in, but it’s Narcissa who greets him first. 

“How good to see you, Neville,” she embraces him lightly before leading him around the room. 

He’s introduced to so many names and faces, he knows he’ll remember only one at best and he breathes out heavily when he’s finally given space on the balcony. He stares back into the lighted room, knowing he doesn’t belong. He was met with stiff faces, untrusting glances and he wonders how he hasn’t been thrown out yet. 

“Longbottom, is it?” a snide voice pulls him from his thoughts.

“Neville, if you please,” Neville responds, taking a nervous sip from his drink.

The woman before him is old, frail, but she frowns at him as if his very presence disgusts her.

“Not a fine match for Draco. What Narcissa was thinking, I’ll never know.”

Nevill doesn’t appreciate how loud the woman’s voice is, as others nearby turn to the conversation. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” the woman continues on. 

Neville feels small, but the fury grows in him as the woman rambles on without leaving any breath for Neville to defend himself. He tries to block out the words but the moment his parents are mentioned in a disdainful manner, Neville’s blood boils. 

“Aunt Hilda.”

Everyone turns as Draco approaches Neville, planting himself firmly next to him. 

“I would appreciate if you would stop making such outlandish comments about Neville. Just because you’re no longer the center of attention, doesn’t mean you need to take it out on him.”

The woman sputters at this, saying something about Draco’s disrespect and she hobbles off in anger. 

“Anyone else?” Draco calls out to the ballroom.

Everyone jumps back into what they had been doing earlier and Neville turns to Draco.

“Why?” is all Neville can think to say, wondering if this had just been the work of Narcissa.

Draco doesn’t look at him, his glare on everyone else in the room and Neville waits.

“She’s always been like that. I can’t stand seeing yet another person torn down by her.”

Neville makes a ‘hmm’ sound, not trusting Draco’s words. After all, it wasn’t like Draco hadn’t done the same thing to him at Hogwarts. Neville thinks to say as much, but he’s tired and just wants to go home.

“I know I’m being hypocritical,” Draco crosses his arms, staring down at his feet. “And I understand if you want me to leave you alone for the rest of the evening.”

“All I want is answers,” Neville blurts out, clearing his throat when Draco looks at him. “I mean, hell, Draco, you bullied me for almost our entire time at Hogwarts, we’re being forced to marry each other, and suddenly you’re acting like you can actually stand me? You’re a nutcase if you think I believe you.”

The words spill out of Neville’s mouth and he feels the guilt creep up on him when Draco genuinely looks hurt. Neville is still bitter however and he doesn’t let his guard down. 

“I’m not asking you to believe me,” Draco starts out slow. 

There is hesitation in the air and Neville clenches onto his glass. 

“I’m not asking you for anything. I’m trying to make changes for myself and you just happened to be part of that. You have every right to stay mad at me. I would be too if I were you.”

Draco pauses, leaving Neville to process what’s just been said. He’s not ready to forgive and forget. Neville doesn’t know what he’s ready for. He can’t understand this sudden new Draco and he frowns. 

“I’ll leave you alone now,” Draco ends on a parting note, heading to another part of the ballroom. 

Neville watches him leave, but he makes no move to follow. Instead, he backs out to the cool night air, his mind replaying the scene over and over. He curses the entire situation and when his mind gives him a singular idea, Neville doesn’t hesitate.

~

The sun has barely risen and Neville stands on the train platform, waiting in the cool, brisk air. The train pulls slow into the station, smoke billowing, as Neville picks up his only suitcase. 

Once the boarding has begun, Neville hands his ticket to the guard and searches for an empty compartment. He passes by families and bustles of children before he finally gets to a seat, thankfully alone. He settles into the cushioned seat, his body relaxing once the train starts moving again. He’s grateful that McGonagall gave him the time off, but he’s not sure how everyone else will take it. 

That is, if they find out. He’s not running away. He just needs time alone, to think about everything. With so much having been unloaded onto him, Neville finds it very unfair that he wasn’t given more time to simply take it in. He’s sure he could’ve come up with a better solution, but with everything in full swing, Neville feels like a fish caught in the tide. 

The scenery rolls past him and before Neville knows it, he’s reached his destination. Following the instructions, Neville finds the isolated cottage, sighing happily at the sight of the seaside cliffs. 

He’s greeted by an elderly couple who welcome him to their home, settling Neville into one of the guest bedrooms. They show him the ins and outs of the cottage and Neville wonders why he didn’t do this sooner. 

Here, he doesn’t have to use his magic. It’s just him in his room, the small town for him to explore, a beach for whatever else. He lays back on the bed, the sunlight warm and inviting as Neville lets himself drift off to sleep.

~

The first day is full of exploring and Neville almost shouts for joy at the freedom he has. He takes his time in each little shop, plans out which place he’ll eat at next, finally settling down at the beach just to breath in the sea air. 

The sun is out today, shining on the waves of the ocean and Neville allows his mind to go blank. It’s pleasant, not thinking about his impending future even if Hermione has promised to get him out of it. For now, he’s stuck with his limited freedom. It’s a sinking feeling and Neville pushes it to the back of his mind, eyes drifting to the seals lounged out on some nearby rocks.

“Must be nice to not have human worries,” Neville speaks to them, amused when one rolls to look at him. “No arranged marriages, no being polite—”

“—nothing but the sea and their companions.”

Neville’s head whips around and he’s greeted by the sight of Draco. Draco’s hands are in the pockets of his coat, his hair moving just enough with the wind. Neville frowns at him, the moment not as spoiled as it could have been, but spoiled nonetheless.

“I came here to get away from you,” Neville says simply, ignoring the creeping guilt when Draco’s face falls just a little.

“I know,” Draco shrugs, looking out at the sea. 

Neville continues to stare at Draco, waiting for some quip or for Draco to walk off. He doesn’t like how Draco just remains. Like a stain Neville has never been rid of. He thinks to scream, to make Draco as small as he once felt, but someone needed to be the adult. Neville turns back to the sea, the seals’ interests now completely on them. Eyeing them warily, Neville pieces through his options, then deciding on one that will maybe make the day just a little less sour.

Seeing as Draco isn’t leaving anytime soon, Neville scoots over on his rock, motioning for Draco to sit.

“I’m not going to do anything,” Neville says when Draco doesn’t move. 

He won’t fall victim to his insecurities. He’s worked so long, so hard, Draco can’t be that tipping point. Neville tenses when Draco sits next to him, now glad Draco has remained so quiet.

It’s a harsh difference from the boy at Hogwarts, but then again, no one came out of the war the same. He can only imagine what Draco had on his mind during their last years, finding himself pitying Draco just a little.

“How’d you find me?” Neville asks amongst the crashing of the waves.

Draco doesn’t respond right away and Neville thinks to nudge him to get an answer out. 

“Asked around. Asked everywhere. I just wanted to see you.” Draco’s voice is shaking, almost unrecognizable and Neville almost scoffs at this.

When Draco’s eyes finally meet his, Neville holds his breath. Now looking at Draco closely, he can see he isn’t in his best shape. His face is stiff, the bruising under his eyes almost permanent, skin marred by the war. Neville knows Draco has struggled, he won’t deny that. 

“You’re unlike anyone I’ve had in my life. You speak your mind, you’re strong and brave, you’re everything I wish I could be. Could have been.”

Neville feels his palms start to sweat at words that sound like actual compliments. All he knows is that he’s told Draco to piss off and nothing more. Surely, that can’t warrant what Draco is saying now. 

“It’s not too late,” Neville answers, slow and unsure. “We’re only 25, Draco. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“Not with my past.”

Sick of Draco’s complaining, Neville rolls his eyes, his voice finding itself. “If you’re going to be like that, then why even try with me? We’ve both been through so much, I mean... can you imagine if I had given up after all you did to me at Hogwarts?”

Neville is sure he sees a visible shiver from Draco and he shakes his head, turning back to the sea.

“I know teenage years define so much, I know family controls almost everything. We’ve been given the short end of the stick, but that isn’t the end. I plan to get out of my grandmother’s grasp. I had so much going for me before this engagement came along.”

Feeling a headache growing, Neville breathes in, wishing he could just be back in his room. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, if we want this to work, we’ll have to change ourselves again and just see what happens. We both want out, but for now, this is it.”

Draco nods, but Neville’s not sure how much he understands. The air starts to sting and Neville stands, waiting for Draco to stand as well.

“I’m going back to my place. Where are you staying?”

“Local inn near the town square,” Draco pointed at the village.

Neville mulls over his thoughts, knowing that Draco might be staying as long as he is and he sighs.

“Want to get dinner tonight?”

“Oh, um,” Draco frowns as if he didn’t expect this.

Neville didn’t either and wonders where his words are coming from. He figures it’s hospitality if anything, waiting for Draco’s response.

“If that’s okay with you,” Draco finally answers.

“I invited you.”

“Oh, right.”

The departure is awkward as the two take separate paths, but Neville glances over his shoulder at Draco, wondering just what is to come from this vacation.

~

Neville is surprised to see Draco at the restaurant before him. Neville knows he himself is 15 minutes early and Draco’s face lights up at the sight of him. 

“Hungry?” is all Neville asks and Draco tries to play it off.

“Just enjoying the village is all.”

Neville makes a grunt of a noise, entering the restaurant first with Draco tailing behind. Once the two are seated in, Neville is surprised how calm he feels. Of course, it might just be hiding the nerves and Neville tries to not think too much on it. He stares at the menu, but he doesn’t focus on the words. 

Being with Draco in such a casual environment is different to say the least and Neville jumps when the waiter comes over. 

Making a hasty decision, the waiter then leaves with their order and Neville frowns at the bottle of wine and full glasses that’s suddenly on their table. 

“On the house, he said,” Draco picks up his own glass, taking a sip. 

Neville stares at the glasses, untrusting of a free gift. The thought of some alcohol does sound nice though and Neville takes his glass, toasting Draco automatically.

“Ignore me,” Neville mumbles, staring at the table’s woodwork. 

Draco doesn’t say anything, but his mouth twitches and Neville takes that as a good sign. The awkward silence is almost unbearable and Neville twists his wine glass around, hoping for something to happen. He’ll take a plate of food being spilled on his lap if it means breaking from Draco’s gaze.

“How do you like your teaching position at Hogwarts?”

“Oh,” Neville blinks, having expected the silence to linger. “It’s wonderful really. I’m lucky I was brought on so quickly. What about you though?”

Neville blushes at his automatic politeness, watching Draco’s hand clench at his question.

Draco’s answer is blunt. “This and that.” 

It’s something Neville’s heard time and time again, so he nods, glancing around at the restaurant. The atmosphere is calming, only a few other customers around, light decor, and Neville clears his throat in attempt at conversation again.

“I’m confused as to why you followed me to a place like this. Doesn’t seem like your type.”

“You’d be surprised,” Draco says around the rim of his glass. “I’m not all Knockturn Alley, you know.”

Neville raises his eyebrows with a shrug, his mouth quirking up just a little. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“For your information, Neville,” Draco’s voice is harsh, but a lightness lines its edges. “I find myself rather inclined to living in a cottage by the sea.”

The arrival of their food breaks their conversation for just a moment, but once the waiter is gone, Neville is curious to find out more.

“Tell me about this cottage,” he asks after they take a few bites.

Draco looks as if he wishes to bolt from the table and he swallows down his food, his fork poking at his plate.

“Nothing fancy. Maybe red brick. Two stories. Ivy climbing up the sides. A small garden would be nice.”

Neville lets the small smile spread on his face, hoping the image in his mind is the same as Draco’s. It’s picturesque if he says so himself and he glances down at his food just as Draco’s eyes land back on him. 

“Once I get a few things sorted out,” Draco sighs, going back to mulling over his dish.

“I hope it works out for you,” Neville nods, his heart poured into every word.

Their eyes meet for a brief second and Neville feels a tug in his chest. Without his sneer, Draco seems like any other person he’d talk to on the street. Hell, he’s sure if he didn’t know Draco, he’d try to actually be friends with him. Breathing out at this thought, Neville takes a large swig from his glass, hoping this will deter him from dwelling too much on it. He’s not supposed to like Draco; he convinced himself of that fact long ago.

“Thank you,” Draco murmurs. “I hope Granger finds your way out of this. Then you can go back to your dreams too.”

Neville’s nod is solemn and he’s can’t stop the heat that rises within him. Out of anger or sympathy, at this point it’s difficult to separate. Steeling himself, Neville steers the conversation to small talk about the food and restaurant, hoping he can sort himself out with the rest of the time he has here. 

By the time dinner is finished and the two are back on the street, Neville honestly doesn’t know where to go from here. 

“I’m this way,” Draco points in the opposite direction of where Neville has to go.

Neville shifts on his feet, wondering if he should say something more, but instead waves goodbye to Draco.

“See you around then,” Neville says with resolution and Draco answers with his own little wave. 

The departure is filled with more tension than Neville would desire and when he finally makes it back to his cottage, he falls down on the bed, not bothering to take off his shoes and coat. What has happened sends Neville’s mind into a flurry and he stares at the ceiling, wondering if having it collapse on him would be such a bad thing in the end.

~

It’s early afternoon when Neville decides to distract himself in a local shop, looking over the various wares and gift items. He spots a small stained glass ornament he knows Luna would adore and he plucks it off the shelf. At least one person on his mental gift list is crossed off. After circling the store a second time, nothing else catches his eye and he heads to the counter to pay.

Neville’s stomach drops when he spots a familiar head of blond hair, but that quickly fades into soft laughter when he notices how much Draco is struggling with Muggle currency. The cashier looks about ready to tear Draco’s head off and Neville quells his laughter to help Draco out.

“Sorry,” Neville smiles at the cashier. “My friend’s been away much too long in America. Seems he’s forgotten the difference between England and Ireland.”

Spotting how much Draco owes, Neville pays the cashier what’s needed along with his own item. Out of the corner of his eye Neville can see just how red Draco has gone and he leads the way out of the shop, not needing to check behind him for followers.

“Thanks,” Draco looks away when Neville hands him his bag. 

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Neville shrugs. “Honestly, if it wasn’t for Luna and the time she spends with Muggles, I’m not sure I would’ve been okay.”

Draco’s shoulders finally drop, his hand running through his hair once before he turns to Neville. “Can you teach me? I can pay you back. Whatever you want.”

Neville blinks at this sudden question. Draco being interested in anything the Muggle world has is a shock to say the least. Neville wants to say he’s pleasantly surprised, but concern lingers as well.

Seeing Draco waiting for an answer, Neville shakes his head and motions for Draco to follow as he heads towards a small cafe just a few doors down. “Everything about Muggles or just the money?” Neville asks once Draco has caught up with him.

Draco doesn’t answer until they’re seated in the cafe, his hands wringing together. 

“I suppose all of it.” 

“All right,” Neville nods, a sense of pride growing within. “First, flat whites.”

The confusion on Draco’s face is all it takes for Neville to burst into laughter, apologizing as he does so. Neville doesn’t care that the whole cafe is looking at him because for the first time in a while, he’s genuinely laughing and he doesn’t want it to stop. Once his laughs start to subside, Neville pats Draco’s hands sympathetically with a smile on his face before getting up to buy the drinks.

The lightness Neville feels now is something he’s been missing and when he slides the mug over, he finds himself eager for Draco’s reaction to the taste.

“It’s… fine,” Draco’s nose scrunches up just a little after taking a sip and Neville lets out a breathy laugh.

“It was the same for me the first time.”

“Luna?”

“Hermione.”

A comfortable silence settles between them and Neville figures he doesn’t have to dive into the lesson right away. It’s an almost perfect moment with the large window that allows them to see out into the town and the booth that cuts them off just a little from the rest of the customers. 

Seeing Draco take another sip, Neville smiles as holds his mug close to him. It’s a fleeting thought, but Neville thinks that if it had been this Draco at Hogwarts, maybe they could have been friends and perhaps an arranged marriage wouldn’t have been so bad.

~

When night falls, Neville finds himself following Draco this time. After the cafe, they went down to the beach, silence still dominating most of their time. While at first Neville had been annoyed, now he doesn’t mind so much. He’s amused by the comfort he feels just having another person with him. Even if that person is Draco. 

Draco’s mood had improved considerably too, but Neville attributes that to him understanding more of the Muggle world. He was surprised at how much Draco wanted to know and learn, only imagining how Hermione would take this news. If anything, Neville liked seeing Draco just be himself, if that was who he is now. 

Neville’s sure Draco had to hide many things at Hogwarts, but he knows not to ask. He doesn’t need any of his old wounds opened either, so he just stares at the back of Draco’s head. 

All of a sudden, Draco stops, spinning to face Neville. “Do you want to come to my place? Just for a drink.”

It’s the bored Draco face again and Neville isn’t sure how to proceed. Just getting inside sounds nice, but he questions Draco’s intentions. Even if they had a great time, Neville’s walls haven’t come crumbling down. 

“You can say no,” Draco says when Neville takes his time to reply.

On the spot, Neville reacts, blurting out a hasty, “Okay,” just to diffuse the situation.

“Are you sure?” Draco tests, his eyes watching Neville’s movements.

Taking a deep breath in, Neville flips through the pros and cons as his head and stomach pull him two separate ways.

“Yes. I’d like that very much.”

Neville thinks he means it and allows his gaze to meet Draco’s. After some more staring, Draco accepts this answer, resuming the walk to his place. While Neville can feel his nerves start up, he doesn’t regret his answer. There’s no usual, “Take it back,” screaming in his mind, no need to run. 

What he feels, he’s not sure if he could explain to anyone. A calm nervousness that subsides with every step. When they reach the front door, Neville feels completely at ease as if he trusts Draco. 

“I don’t have much, but I hope this is okay,” Draco says as he brings out a bottle of firewhisky and two glasses. 

“Works for me,” Neville takes off his coat, looking for a place to hang it up. 

Draco sets the bottle and glasses down before motioning for Neville’s coat and hanging it up on a rack Neville knows he wouldn’t have noticed. 

“Blends in too much with the woodwork,” Draco mutters, pouring out drinks for the two of them. 

He hands Neville his glass and Neville takes it, settling in on the couch as his nerves start acting up again. Glancing around at Draco’s rented place, Neville finds it too dark compared to his own, but more fitting to Draco’s tastes. That is, besides the cottage dream.

“Thank you for today,” Draco settles down on a chair near the couch. “I mean it. It’s everything I’ve wanted to know, but I’ve been too scared to ask.”

“Why scared?” Neville questions, taking a sip from his glass.

“Considering what I was like at school, would you have ever thought I’d have an interest in this world?”

Neville can’t argue with that logic, but he doesn’t say so, not finding the need to add salt to the wound.

“I’m just glad to be an adult now. Away from everything I grew up with, being able to make my own opinions instead of my family influencing me. I just…”

Draco grows quiet as a storm brews in his eyes. There is so much Neville can sense and he doesn’t know what to do. 

“Do you think they’d forgive me if I apologized?” It’s barely a whisper and Neville has to take a moment to realize what Draco has said.

Neville wonders this too. After all, he hasn’t forgiven Draco yet and he wasn’t even the main focus of Draco’s taunts compared to his friends. He wants to give Draco an honest answer, but after all he’s accomplished in these two days, he doesn’t want that to go flying out the window as despair takes its place. 

He knows his friends are proud, but not to the point where it rules them and he thinks maybe with time, he and everyone else will be ready to forgive.

“Not now, I don’t think,” Neville speaks, thinking before he says his words. “It’s still fresh. But who knows. They easily might because we were kids then. Just kids caught up in everything.”

Neville watches Draco, watching as Draco’s face falls, his knuckles turning white as he grips his glass. Perhaps it’s a trick of the light, but Neville thinks he sees Draco’s eyes water and he glances down, wishing he could give Draco some privacy. 

“As long as you keep working on become the best version of yourself, I think that’s all they could ask,” Neville adds as an afterthought, taking another large gulp from his drink. 

The buzz of the alcohol starts just a little and Neville wonders if he should leave now before things really turn emotional. 

All he wants to do right now is give Draco a hug and he finds himself both disgusted and intrigued by this thought. Rooting himself in his spot on the couch, Neville looks back up at Draco just as Draco wipes his face with his hand. 

“Sorry. I should let you go now.”

“It’s fine,” Neville shakes his head, a little disappointed at Draco’s words.

He would’ve been ecstatic to hear that at another time, but now, Neville doesn’t want to leave Draco alone. It’s too much, knowing how Draco must feel, remembering his own loneliness and when he just needed someone to be there.

Searching for the strength within him, Neville gets up, bringing over a chair to sit next to Draco. He’s not sure what to do first as more tears fall down Draco’s face and he sets his hand on Draco’s wrist, rubbing his thumb across the skin. He hesitates a little when Draco looks down, noticing then how Draco’s fingers curl up just a little. Neville bites down on his cheek but he figures it’s not the worst that could happen, taking another swig from his glass before letting his fingers trail down. 

With his and Draco’s fingertips brushing against one another, Neville feels like he’s on fire, his gaze hyperfocused on their tight fingers. Letting himself fall first, Neville moves his hand until Draco’s fingers are entwined with his own, amazed at how quickly Draco seals their hands together. 

Draco’s grip is strong, but from his years of playing Seeker, Neville isn’t all too surprised. He wonders if his own hold has changed, if its firmness matches Draco’s and he starts rubbing his thumb against the skin again. 

The shaky breaths from Draco slowly become deeper, steady, and Neville finds himself relaxing as well. He’s not sure what this means or what he’s doing, but he decides he’ll think on it later when his mind is more sober. Not that he’s drunk but, in a way, he wishes he was. 

He’s not sure how long he and Draco hold hands, but when Draco sighs, letting his grip drop just a little, Neville figures it’s the end of it and pulls his hand away.

He doesn’t like how he misses the touch, fidgeting as he figures out where to go from here.

“I’ll just...” Neville gets up quickly, setting down the glass and making his way over to his coat. 

Draco says nothing as Neville fumbles with his coat, then heading to the front door and Neville waits for Draco’s response.

Pushing himself up, Draco walks over to Neville, opening the door for him and nodding his understanding.

“This was nice,” Neville blurts out, not sure where his words are coming from.

Draco hums in response and Neville breathes in sharply as Draco leans in, placing a kiss on Neville’s cheek. 

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you,” Draco whispers as he pulls away, looking down at his feet.

Neville’s eyes are wide, his mind panicking, and he shoots down the stairs without a goodbye. It’s all too much to handle, too much to digest, as Neville all but runs through the streets. By the time he reaches his place, Neville is ready to pass out, his mind wondering if this had all just been a dream.

~

With his vacation coming to a close, Neville takes some time by the beach to think about all that’s happened. He doesn’t trust his own feelings, how his mind now sees Draco. He nearly curses the sea but he stays quiet, not wanting to disturb the seals.

Draco had found him the morning after with a small goodbye and quick apology. Before Neville even had a chance to stop him, Draco had headed off, presumably back to the manor. 

Neville’s destination is just that, but he doesn’t know to expect. To go back to cold, unfeeling Draco would be terrifying and Neville can only hope he’ll see the Draco he’s learned to know and love.

His stomach drops as the word “love” lingers in his mind. He shouldn’t be at that conclusion. Not now, not ever. Yet, it’s there as if he’s had no choice. 

“What’s wrong with you, Longbottom?” he whispers to himself as the waves crash. 

All he can see is Draco’s face, his smile when he finally understood what Neville was teaching him. The kiss on his cheek lingers and Neville buries his face in his hands. 

He hopes he hasn’t fallen for Draco, but it seems as if his mind has done just that and Neville curses himself. His vacation ruined, his feelings torn in every which way, Neville doesn’t want to deal with anything and he pulls his hands down to scream at the ocean.

His life is turning into a swirling mess and Neville doesn’t know how to stop it.

~

Neville’s first day back at the manor is a whirlwind. Narcissa sweeps him away to show him all the plans for the wedding, what will be set up where, color palettes thrust into his hands. 

Neville doesn’t care about any of this, having always wanted a simple wedding, so Narcissa’s planning is a bit much. He follows along obediently, nodding when Narcissa wants confirmation but he finds it all too elegant and showy.

“Mother,” Draco interrupts Narcissa’s one-sided conversation, taking the palettes from Neville. “Can I borrow Neville for a moment?”

Flustered, Narcissa excuses Neville and Neville gives her a polite smile before he leaves.

“She loves planning things in case you haven’t noticed,” Draco comments, leading Neville to one of the back doors of the manor. “Sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”

“It’s fine,” Neville smiles, already at ease. 

The two enter into the kitchen of the manor and Neville glances around at the house elves working amongst the large room. The elves pay him little mind as Draco sits down at a small wooden table, motioning for Neville to sit across from him.

“Lunch?” Draco asks, but Neville doesn’t have a chance to respond before food is placed in front of the two of them.

Neville thanks the house elves, only receiving wary glances in return and he waits until Draco starts before picking at the food himself.

“She really wants a big white wedding for us, doesn’t she?” Neville teases, pleased when Draco smiles in response.

“Oh yes. Her’s was nothing less, it’s only natural she’d want it for me.” 

“It’s sweet, honestly,” Neville says, finding Narcissa much more pleasant than when he first met her. 

“I think she just wants to impress you. She talks about you constantly.”

There is no malice in Draco’s voice. If anything, he seems proud of this, meeting eyes with Neville for a moment.

“And you?” Neville asks, wondering how much Narcissa talks about Draco to others.

Draco blushes and Neville already knows that Draco misunderstood his question. He stays quiet, curious to Draco’s response.

“I talk about you, yes,” Draco ducks his head as if he hopes his piece of bread will hide him.

The stress that had been taking hold of Neville’s mind breaks just a little. After his vacation, he tried to deal with his feelings on his own, only to corner himself with every thought. As a last attempt to salvage himself, he described the situation to a few friends, using a fake name in the place of Draco’s. The details Neville spared were minute at best, yet his friends seemed to agree Neville had fallen in love. Which then led to pestering Neville thought he was rid of long ago.

Now, Neville has accepted his fate, nervous about where things will go from here.

He can’t help sigh a bit at this, keeping his gaze on Draco. “I’ve been talking about you too.”

Draco’s head shoots up at this and he eyes Neville warily. “What have you been saying?”

“Enough so my friends wonder what’s happened to me,” Neville chuckles, thinking back to Dean and Seamus’ confused glances. “I mean it in a good way.”

“Doesn’t sound good,” Draco mumbles, but there is a hint of a smile on his face and Neville returns it.

There is something about being with Draco that Neville is sure he can’t explain to just anyone and he watches Draco talking to one of the house elves as if he’s talking to a good friend. A small hint of admiration grows in the back of Neville’s mind and he thinks one of these days, he’ll get around to telling everyone, maybe even Harry, about this newfound Draco.

~

“Neville!” 

Glancing up from his pot, Neville smiles when he sees Hermione rushing towards him through the greenhouse.

“I’ve got it,” she gasps. “I’ve got it all. Everything that’ll make it so you don’t have to marry Malfoy.” 

Neville thinks he should be ecstatic, shouting, but instead a darkness enters his mind and he can only reply with an, “Oh.”

“Neville, don’t you realize what this means? You can live your life now.”

“Right,” Neville shakes his head. “Of course. I’m just — I’m shocked it’s happened. How did you—?”

Hermione seems happy with this and grabs Neville by the hand dragging him out of the greenhouse. “Let’s go find your grandmother and the Malfoys. We’ll stop this now.”

Neville stays quiet, his mind twisting in a multitude of ways. He wants to pull back from Hermione, but he knows this was what he wanted from the start. To live his own life, marry who he wished. It’s all finally going to be a reality and Neville knows he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Letting Hermione fill his grandmother with facts, Neville watches as if he’s not even in his own body before they apparate to the manor.

Draco is there, surprisingly, and it pains Neville to see how much Draco’s face lights up when he sees him. Draco is quick to correct himself, giving the group a sullen frown as Narcissa enters the room. Augusta’s lips are in a thin line as Hermione throws evidence in Narcissa’s face and finally, Narcissa waves it all away. A small sigh leaves Narcissa’s lips and she looks directly at Neville with a steel composure.

“Neville, you’re no longer bound to the arrangement. Whatever you choose to do now, I give you my best,” Narcissa nods. “We’ll take care of everything else.”

Neville can’t tell what she feels. Her face is blank, but she gives Neville a small smile as if she had hoped he would find a way out of it. Daring to look at Draco, Neville thinks he sees fire, despair, so much wrapped up in one expression. 

“I’ll see you around, Draco,” Neville speaks up. He doesn’t wait for Draco’s reply, turning to lead Hermione and his grandmother from the manor. 

He’s finally free, but that doesn’t explain why he feels like breaking down into tears.

~

The ambiance of Diagon Alley is both familiar and nerve wracking as Neville heads to a very specific destination. He pushes through the crowds, breathing a sigh of relief when he reaches the herbology shop. 

The sound of the bell puts him at ease and Neville takes a moment to just have some silence amongst the rumbles from outside. 

Once he starts to relax a bit, Neville takes his time to explore the store, making note of what he’ll need for when classes start again. The shop isn’t often frequented and knowing the shopkeeper, Neville is often left to his own devices. Here, it’s just him and the plants. That is, until the door opens and Neville automatically turns towards it. His heart leaps at who he sees, his feet leading him back over to the front.

“Draco,” Neville says, surprised. 

Of all places, he never thought a herbology shop would be the first place he’d see Draco. 

Draco’s eyes widen a bit before he puts on a stern face. “Neville.” It’s short and harsh, but Neville finds himself unable to blame Draco. 

He thought Draco wanted out as much as he did, but seeing this, despondent, quiet Draco, Neville knows otherwise. 

As much as he hates to admit it, he’s been missing Draco, too. The rush he felt when they were exploring the small town together, the little moments spent together, Neville has wanted to go back time and time again. 

“Can we go somewhere? To talk?” Neville asks hopefully.

Draco seems reluctant, but he motions for Neville to lead the way. With a surge of confidence, Neville leads them from the herbology shop, everything else forgotten in favor for just talking to Draco.

He hasn’t much time to think about anything, yet the opportunity sits in his lap and Neville is willing to go wherever this takes him.

Once the two reach a cafe and settle themselves in the back, out of sight, Neville starts. 

“How have you been?”

He can see the start of a sneer on Draco’s face, but Draco stops it in favor of giving Neville a shrug.

“As well as could be expected. Now that there’s no wedding to plan for, the house is quiet.”

Neville nods, though he’s not sure if he can sympathize. Being free of this engagement has been a relief, if only to his grandmother is off of his back. Neville is happy to just be back at Hogwarts, working, but he wishes the call-off hadn’t been so abrupt. 

Nothing has stopped his thoughts from straying. Even at night, he dreams back to the time spent with Draco. His heart beats faster when he remembers Draco’s smile, the tentativeness of his touch. 

“I’ll be honest with you, Neville,” Draco breaks the moment. “I miss coming home and seeing you. It made the manor a bit brighter, like all the darkness that was once there was fading.”

Neville raises his eyebrows a bit at this, but lets Draco have his moment.

“I think — I don’t even know how to say this. I—” 

Draco stumbles over his words and Neville decides to meet him halfway. 

“I like you too, Draco.” 

Neville’s stomach flips at his sudden bravery. Admitting it, hearing the words out loud is almost panicking, but Neville stays in his seat. They’ve come so far, if either of them run now, Neville thinks that’ll be the end of it and he doesn’t want that. 

“You do?” Draco whispers, his eyes shining with hope and doubt. 

Looking at Draco’s hand resting on the table, Neville reaches out, taking it in his own. 

“I do.”

A warmth blossoms in Neville’s chest when Draco’s hand latches on and meeting Draco’s face has never been easier. He’s pleased to see Draco relaxed, almost emotional if Neville is being honest. 

“What do we do now?” Draco questions, his thumb rubbing absentmindedly against Neville’s skin.

Neville had hoped this was what Draco was going to say and he grins, a small thought growing in the back of his mind.

“I have an idea.”

~

Narcissa shuffles through her mail, frowning at each item. It’s not as if any of them hold true interest or they’re really meant for her. It’s gossip of the wizarding world, things that need to be paid, and she doesn’t wish to read any of them.

Not until she sees a Muggle postcard, a still picture of a beach and brilliant blue water. Flipping it over, Narcissa’s face paints into a rare grin and she clutches the card to her chest. 

Rushing to her library, Narcissa sets to write out a reply, her quill flying over the paper. 

_Neville,_

_Thank you for taking the time to write. Draco had sent a small note saying he’d be gone but he didn’t say where._

_I am happy for the both of you. The three of us must celebrate when you return._

_Please enjoy the rest of your honeymoon, the islands look beautiful._

_Send my love to Draco._

Pausing, Narcissa thinks over how to end the letter, her mind already there. 

_Best Wishes & Love,_

_Narcissa_

Satisfied with her response, Narcissa finds her owl, tying the letter to its leg and sending it off. For the first time in a while, Narcissa feels more than optimistic about the future than she has in years and she smiles, knowing her son is truly happy, married to the man he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a lot of fun to write, my love for this ship has been renewed hhhhh
> 
> also, send your love to [lepetitcomte](http://lepetitcomte.tumblr.com) for beta-ing this for me!!
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://flintwoodandco.tumblr.com)


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